The Mamoru and Relena bashing TV Show
by Sailor Star Scream
Summary: A crazy show where Usagi admits to cheating on Mamoru, Relena dies, Mamoru goes through torture, and Vegeta sees Duo flirting with his daughter


Screamie: I've done it again! ANOTHER MAMORU BASHING MASTERPIECE!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!  
  
Celes: Whatever. Get on with the story. We want to see him go through pain. SEVERE pain.  
DON'T WE?!?!?!!?!?!  
  
Lawyers: Yea, yea, but you still have to....  
  
Screamie: I know, I do not own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing or DBZ and it is a shame too!  
  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
ChiChi: Konnichi wa, and welcome to......PEOPLE TODAY!!  
  
Bulma: Yes, welcome to all. It is a fabulous day, isn't it?  
  
Hotaru: But it wouldn't be without you all.   
  
Hilde: Okay, enough of the nicey-happy crap. Let's get right down to it.  
  
Usagi: I agree. I would now like to welcome our guest, Relena Peacecrap....er Relena Peacecraft.  
  
Relena: *Smiles* HELLO TO YOU ALL! Wow...what a nice mirror...let me fix my hair....  
  
*CRACK!*  
  
Hotaru: Okay, can we get someone to replace that mirror with a picture, or a videoscreen?!?!?  
  
Mamoru: YEA!!!! *Waves hands in the air like the moron he is*  
  
Relena: I am Relena Peacecraft of the Sanq Kingdom and I love peace. Peace is a good thing.  
If we don't have peace, then we would have chaos.  
  
Usagi: No we wouldn't! I already kicked his -beep- *Glares at tv censor guys* Don't do that.  
Ne, Hotaru?  
  
Hotaru: Hai! He is dead!  
  
Relena: Ano.....okay then. Anyways........Lets talk about why the military shouldn't have guns!  
  
ChiChi: Oh for Kami's sake, SHUT UP! *Beats her with MAGIC FRYING PAN!*   
  
Relena: MOVIES SHOW TOO MUCH OW OW VIOLENCE!  
  
Bulma: *Kicks her into the audience*  
  
  
  
  
  
Gothic Guy: *Stabs her* YOU WRECKED STRIPTEASE 2!!!  
  
Jock: *Stabs her* YOU RUINED GREASE 2!!  
  
Buddhist Monk: *Stabs her* ALL OF JACKIE CHAN AND JET LI MOVIES!  
  
Gothic Chick: *Stabs her* YOU RUINED BLADE!!!   
  
Car Mechanic: *Stabs her* YOU WRECKED GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS!  
  
Old lady: *Stabs her* Your ass is grass!  
  
Baby in Stroller: *Stabs her too* wa wa boo boo bi bi baba! [Roughly translated: You messed  
up Elmo in Grouchland]  
  
Relena: *Dies*  
  
Audience: *Cheers*  
  
  
  
  
  
Hotaru: Okay, next guest.  
  
Bulma: Our next guest is Chang Wufei. Welcome to the show Wufei.  
  
Wufei: Whatever onna.   
  
Usagi: *Walks back to her seat from yelling at the camera man for hovering the camera on her  
butt; wearing a nice white shirt that says 'Angel' under her black leather jacket with her  
tight black leather skirt, and biker boots that come to mid-calf (By the way, her hair is to  
her mid-back. I think she has too much damned hair. Any one agree?) *Sits down in her seat*  
Sorry.....technical problems.  
  
Wufei: Whatever.....on......na....*Trails down Usagi's body with his eyes*  
  
Hotaru: Usagi....he's doing it again.  
  
Usagi: Nani? ....*Figures out what she means* ...OOH! ChiChi, can I borrow your pan?  
  
ChiChi: Of course. *hands it over*  
  
Usagi: *Throws it in one of the camera guys faces*  
  
Camera guy: *Unconscious on floor*  
  
Usagi: NOW STOP SHOOTING MY ASS!!!  
  
Camera guy's floating ghost: .......sorry!......  
  
Wufei: *Likes what he sees.....REALLY appreciates it* (Ever heard that joke, you know....  
the 'is there something in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? Well, he's glad  
to see Usagi, okay?? For those who don't get it.....it's over your head.)  
  
ChiChi: How about our next guest, Mitch Fitch!!!  
  
Mitch: Hi all!  
  
Audience: *Crickets*  
  
Mitch: Okay then. Let's talk about life in general, shall we?  
  
*Crickets*  
  
Mitch:   
  
Usagi: *Bites the tip of her pen, listening intently....or trying to*  
  
Wufei: *Not even listening, to busy checking out Usagi to really care*  
  
  
  
  
  
One of the camera guys, Trunks: *Yawns* Man, this job sucks.  
  
Hiiro, an audience member: 'Hotaru looks nice.'   
  
Quatre: *Trips over Relena's dead body, trying to get back to his seat* Oops! I'm sorry!  
  
Duo: Quatre.....  
  
Quatre: Think she's gonna be okay?  
  
Duo: No one really cares.  
  
Trowa: *Nods in agreement*   
  
  
  
  
  
Bulma: Thank you Mitch. That was fascinating.  
  
ChiChi: *Asleep*  
  
Hotaru: Wake up! *Shakes her*  
  
ChiChi: Nani? Oh. Yea. Fascinating. Really.  
  
Usagi: *Checking out Wufei, and doing the whole flirty body language thing*  
  
Wufei: *Ditto*  
  
Mamoru: *Getting pissed off, decides to do something dramatic* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *Waves hands  
in the air again*  
  
Wufei: *Pissed that Usagi's attention was turned to Mamoru*  
  
Usagi: *Looks at Mamoru* I will destroy you! *Covers her mouth with her hand* Ooops.  
  
Wufei: *Smirks*  
  
Mamoru: *Too dumb to understand*  
  
Bulma: And now it's time for !Dare Mamoru! Where people in foreign places dare Mamoru to do  
ultimatly life threatening things.  
  
ChiChi: He's jumped out of a airplane without a parachute, swam in a pool of piranha, played   
with a crocodile, jumped off the Empire State Building, Played with an anaconda, jumped off   
the Grand Canyon with a bungi cord that was too long, eaten arsenic, eaten fiberglass, and   
swam in a pool of man-eating sharks.  
  
Usagi: *Somehow closer to Wufei now; smug look on face* And nothing has worked.  
  
Hotaru: This !Dare Mamoru! is from Tulsa! It says: I dare Mamoru to stay in a bag with a very  
angry raccoon!  
  
Mamoru: *Trying to impress Usagi* Bring it on baby! YEA!  
  
Usagi: *Shoves Mamoru into the huge bag with an angry raccoon; and ties it up* Get in there, stupid.  
  
Wufei: *Looks up at Usagi*   
  
Usagi: *Looks back, and slips over to him, slipping a note to him*  
  
Wufei: *Reads note, smirks, looks at Usagi, and nods*  
  
Usagi: *Nods back*  
  
Mitch: ANYWAYS! We were talking about life! *Strange sounds come from bag, along with Mamoru's  
girly screams* Is he gonna be okay?  
  
Usagi, Bulma, Hotaru, ChiChi, Trunks, Crew, Gundam Guys (even Quatre), and Studio Audience: I HOPE  
NOT!  
  
Mamoru: *Brought out of the bag all mangled up* Usako, I made it!!!!  
  
Usagi: *Gives disgusted look* Since this show is about confessions of life in general, I should  
confess......I knew Wufei before the show.   
  
Mamoru: *Jealous* SO?!?!?  
  
Usagi: *Bites lip* I've been cheating on you with him for six months.  
  
Mamoru: NANI?!?!?! DOUSHITE?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Usagi: Well, because-  
  
Wufei: Because if she wanted an onna, she would have become a lesbian! She wanted a REAL MAN.  
Which you ARE NOT.  
  
Usagi: *Smirks, and sits down right next to Wufei* He is a real man. I should know. *Grins* And  
you.....I dunno what you are.   
  
Duo: *Stands up and shouts* HE'S AN IT!!!!!   
  
Audience: *Cheers* Usagi, Usagi, Usagi, Usagi, Usagi!  
  
Usagi: *Kisses Wufei*  
  
Audience: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!  
  
Wufei: *Grins like an idiot*   
  
Usagi: *Whispers in his ear* I'll see you after the show.  
  
Wufei: *Whispers back* You bet your ass you will.   
  
Usagi: Anyways....let's play a new game! It's called !Whomever Wants To Kill Mamoru, Do So!  
  
Bulma: *Shoves Mamoru off the stage while the other hosts (Minus Usagi and Hotaru) jump down  
and start beating him up with the audience*  
  
Goten: *Adjusts camera* Aww man this is great footage. let's send this to The Worlds Funniest Animals!  
  
Trunks: People aren't animals!  
  
Goten: Mamoru is.  
  
Trunks: True.   
  
Hiiro: *Climbs onstage, grabs Hotaru's hand, and walks backstage with her, to her dressing room*  
  
Wufei: *Walks with Usagi, to her dressing room*  
  
ChiChi: By the way, Usagi! GREAT CHOICE ON A NEW MAN!  
  
Usagi: Arigato gozaimasu!  
  
ChiChi: Doo itashimashite! Stop moving, Mamoru! I can't stab you in the throat if you keep moving!  
  
  
  
Guy: Shouldn't we censor this?  
  
Minako: No. I think the world should see the end of Mamoru.  
  
Haruka: *Gone*  
  
Minako: Where's Haruka.  
  
Michiru: She went to join the fun, Guy.  
  
Setsuna: Just don't point any cameras at Usagi or Hotaru's Dressing Rooms. You don't want to   
know what's going on there.  
  
Goku: Naze? What is going on?  
  
Vegeta: Kakarott you dumb ass! They're mating!   
  
Goku: Ohhhhhhh. Okay.  
  
Piccolo: *Grumbles*  
  
Yamucha: *Looks at Minako* HEY BABE!   
  
  
  
Audience: *Done killing Mamoru* *Leaves*  
  
Duo: Hey! What about Hiiro and Wu-man? How come they get to get lucky??  
  
Haruka: *Stuffs his braid in his mouth* Because you're a dipshit.  
  
Marron: Hi Trowa! *hugs him*  
  
Trowa: *Hugs back, and they walk off together*  
  
Duo: *Spits his braid out of his mouth* EVEN TROWA GOT LUCKY!  
  
Quatre: *Walks away with Ami*  
  
Duo: *Shocked* QUATRE IS ABANDONING ME!!!!!!!!  
  
Bura: But I'm not.  
  
Duo: Heh heh heh.....  
  
  
  
Minako: Hey Vegeta, isn't Bura your daughter?  
  
Vegeta: *Looks up* Hai, onna, she is my brat. Doushite?  
  
Minako: Cause Duo is walking with her, saying something about a hotel room.  
  
Vegeta: HE'S WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!  
  
  
  
Vegeta's booming yell heard.  
  
Vegeta: YOU BRAIDED PUNK! YOU ARE DEAD!   
  
Duo: OH CRAP! *Runs*  
  
Vegeta: *Chases*  
  
Bura: *Still fully dressed, didn't want to do anything besides find someone to pay her way into  
a theme park* ......Call me! *Shrugs*   
  
  



End file.
